My husband, Ernie, and I both in our eighties, own a two-story townhouse. Our aging bodies are giving us concern about how we can continue to live independently. Even though the master bedroom is on the first floor and we can still climb steps to the second, there is no doubt that our mobility will be challenged by progressive arthritic joints, and who knows what else, going forward. Plus, we have called 911 more times than we’d like to admit—mostly to evaluate Ernie after a fall.
We spent a lot of time researching our options. First, we put a great deal of money down on a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC). This facility would allow us independence while we were walking and had our mental ability intact and would have services to deal with memory problems, rehabilitation after a fall or surgery, and skilled care should one, or both of us become unable to care for ourselves. The day before we were to pick out our appliances, wall colors, and kitchen counters for a two-bedroom apartment, we cancelled.
We decided to stay in our current home. However, the appeal of group programs with other older persons, such as exercise classes, educational lectures, and communal dining drew us to consider renting an apartment in a senior complex. This felt better than a CCRC because we wouldn’t be forfeiting money that we couldn’t retrieve if we decided it didn’t work. Again, we got cold feet and pulled out before we put our house up for sale.
Even though we decided to stay in our current home, we still couldn‘t stop visiting other living facilities.
Our two adult children, who had no idea that we were even thinking of moving, had whiplash over our decision making process. We had to educate them how each place we visited would help us as we aged.
Finally, we realized, for us, aging in place made the most sense.
I’m glad we won’t be wasting time learning about various retirement options. No more inspecting other sites, spending the evenings discussing the pros and cons of moving, and updating our children of our latest thoughts. I was the one who usually got all excited about the place we just saw. And Ernie was the one who felt uncomfortable when we were scheduled to sign on the dotted line. In the end, we tossed out intellectual analysis and went “with our gut”.
Now, we are upgrading our two-story townhouse to accommodate our aging bodies: putting grab bars in the shower, installing a bidet, building a patio outside our screened porch to even out a steep slope. We’ve covered up bland gray-blue living room walls with a Tuscany golden brown to brighten the room. We have a rack of weights, exercise bands, and a small treadmill made for older adults.
Along with the first floor bedroom, our townhouse already has a walk-in shower and a homeowners’ association that tends to the grounds and provides other maintenance chores. Even though increased medication has controlled my husband’s falls, we applied for a discount from the county to offset the cost of potential emergency assistance. Our health care providers are near-by as is a university run hospital.
There is no way to predict that aging in place is the right decision. But now we can concentrate on enjoying daily life in our townhouse.
Getting Older: Charting the Uncharted 
I love the picture at the end of your posting: two people in front of a roaring fire, — warm, cozy, happy. I hope that’s where you and Ernie are.
Al and I have ended up in a two bedroom, two bathroom home, all on one floor, in The Villages, FL. It’s under a thousand square feet, plus a 12’ x 20’ enclosed lanai, which doesn’t count in the square footage of the house because — wait for this — it is one small step down from the main house. Almost everything we need is 5-15 miles away, manageable with our one car.
I am fortunate to have a partner who is eight years younger than me. I have slowed since my necrotic gallbladder two years ago, but am gradually able to manage more of the yard work as my balance has improved. We live in a retirement community, with the homes fairly close together, affording a wide range of reasonable services, such as yard mowing and irrigation maintenance,
Half of our lanai is outfitted as a gym, and we work out regularly. I am currently swinging an 8# kettlebell, six swings on the minute, for a total of 30 minutes. Once I reach 45 minutes, I will move up to 10# and cut the number of reps back to four on the minute. That’s how far I had gotten before my gallbladder died.
Al plays competitive table tennis for 2-3 hours twice a week. He is ranked #4 on the competition ladder that was recently started, playing a number of people 10-15 years his junior. We have a table and robot in the garage.
My children want us to sell our home and go into independent living near my son and his family in Atlanta, and that may well be where we end up. But we love it where we are and can still manage, at this point in time.
Thank you for sharing your journey.
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Thank you so much for sharing your story, Marilyn. Sounds like you both are thriving and in a perfect place for where you both are in your life right now.
I didn’t mention in this post that we have an Over 55 Active Adult Community Center where we can take art, writing, computer, exercise classes that is walking distance from our home.
Again, thanks for your comments.
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Hi Marianna, As you know, I am alone which makes things difficult at times, but I am also aging in place as long as I can.. I have worked as a nursing care supervisor of aides for 5 different agencies so I have done a lot of research on which one will suit me best. It-is very hard for me to ask for help for the same way I helped others for so many years.However, I had my first visit from an aide today and she was absolutely lovely and helpful for me.This agency doesn’t require a contract or minimum hours. Besides daily , weekly, hourly and live-ins they have Care on Demand which I opted for.I just have to call 3 days ahead and ask for an aide, but it must be 4 hours.I will see what the future holds for me- we never know. One day at a time! I love your posts and wish you and Ernie the best. Be happy with each other. Love, Joni❤️🙂
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Thanks Joni for sharing your story. I’m glad to hear that you found the service that you need to age in place and that you are happy with the aide that came to visit. And your observation that sometimes it’s hard to seek out help even for a seasoned nurse like yourself is an important one. But if we older folks are going to age in place, some services may make the difference in being able to stay in your home. I am so happy to hear you enjoy my posts.
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All the best. It sounds like you and your husband were able to make modifications and stay where your heart is.
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Thanks, What a lovely way to put it.
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